Entry #1. 11/6/2024
i don't really know how to start this entry. i just created this website. i guess i created it in order to keep track of my growth
over the next couple years or however long i'll use this site. i'll introduce myself for the people who might be reading this. my name is myra and i was
born in 2007, making me 17 of this year. i don't know who exactly i am so i don't care about pronouns. i have depression, bipolar, and autism. i've
been struggling with suicidal thoughts for maybe half of my life. i'm meeting with a therapist soon, but i'm not excited because all my other therapists
have sucked. i was in the psych ward recently, and i'm on medication. i haven't had friends in a long time, if you don't include someone i was friends
with online but i've never met in person. i can't get over this person. we were dating actually, i just call us friends because basically nobody knew we
were dating so i'm used to calling us friends. this person lived almost 1000 miles away from me and they were my first love. we were basically the same
person, same interests, same mental illnesses, we even looked the same. we ended things because we were making each other worse, and now we have each
other blocked on all social medias. i still stalk them from my other accounts though. it just makes me upset to see them moving on when they meant
the world to me. they were the only person i talked to, but they had so many other friends. now i'm alone and they're moving on and i'm pretty sure
they're dating someone else now. i just can't get over them. i'm trying so hard and it sucks because nobody even knew we were dating so i can't tell
anybody about it. i will try to not look at their social media accounts anymore. i'm gonna start tonight, i won't cyberstalk them like i always do before
i go to bed. i will start to heal. i believe in myself. i need to heal because i have this website to keep me accountable. that's all i have for now,
i'll talk about my other problems some other day.